Simple answers to age-old question: why are humans weird?

For decades, or maybe centuries, or maybe since Pocahontas, scientists have been diligently working toward answering the most profound query ever known to man. No, no. It’s nothing to do with the meaning of life. The question causing scientists everywhere to “huh” in global unison is simply: why are people so weird? To be sure, weirdness is not a purely human trait: Male rams ram each other in the face to increase their hotness level to lady rams. Weird. While we can come up with logical explanations for the behavior and mannerisms of animals (usually mating or food oriented), many things about humans leave us in wonder of the purpose of it all. For instance, have you ever given serious thought to why people laugh? Or cry? Or yawn? Or smile or frown to show happiness or sadness? Or why we’re ticklish? Well little head-scratchers, lay down your tired arms; I alone can ease your mind with the soothing balm of scholarly answers. For starters, let’s take a look at laughter. Is it not awesome? It’s such an expression of personality and magnificent sound. Some people laugh like a tinkling music box, others like donkeys. When those little expirations of air burst from our lungs striking our vocal chords in interesting ways, it makes other people laugh and unite under the banner of hilarity. We’re communicating without words and strengthening our abdominal muscles and releasing endorphins, too. It’s a magical trifecta. What about crying? Why would people leak water from their eyes to exhibit sadness? Crying is nature’s second line of defense against drought. When rain is scarce, the good Lord knew he could count on all the drama mamas of this planet to make the land nurturing and plentiful again by watering it with their unnecessary tears. Bad Girls’ Club, The Future Farmworkers of America Association thanks you. We yawn as a casual display of dominance, like check out my powerful canines, I could definitely eat you, no big deal. All animals do it, because all animals want to be at the top of the food chain. Unfortunately for them, only humans are. Sucks to be you, Chicken. Should’ve invented the chainsaw, then maybe you wouldn’t be such a lowly creature. Smiling is basically the same thing. We smile to show are friends what kind of mess they’d be dealing with if they stop being our friends. And frowning? Who knows? Frowning is for sad Sallys, and I ain’t one And as for tickling? I actually found that answer on the venerable www.textsfromlastnight.com, which said, and I quote, “all tickle parties end in sex.” Voila! There you have it folks. Tickling leads to reproduction, which is innately hardwired into all organisms, and without which life would cease and desist and be nevermore ever again. Scientific community, you are welcome. — Joanna Langston is a senior psychology major and an arts reporter for The Mirror.